“I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole.” -Carl Jung
You won't hear me talk about my story, it’s mine to keep safe. But what people might see is the effects of that time of my life. It may show up in a glare, road rage, a triggered response to something so insignificant. My husband affectionately calls this part of me, “Gatorbear”. She is malicious, self absorbed and I hated her. But if Carl Jung is right, this dark shadow rests inside all of us, showing up in shame, self doubt and in unexpected outburst; I don't know what came over me.
For years, I drowned her out with booze, risky behaviors and substances but it only seemed to make her voice louder. See me, hear me. It wasn’t until in 2022 that I sought out the help of a professional to deal with underlying mental health issues that had haunted me for years. I underwent the first of many alternative therapies including guided meditation, TMS, IFS and hypnosis. It was during one of these sessions that I met her. She was deep within a dark cave, her eyes stared wildly behind a lit fire. She frightened me, I wanted to run. But we sat, and I listened. This experience changed everything.
The convergence did not make her go away, in fact, she appears in my psyche quite often, but this part of me is much quieter, softer than before. There is space to adjust my sails and choose better reactions. Her unexpected visits are a reminder that there is a need not being met, a boundary not being honored, a fear that needs to be understood or a memory that needs to be healed.
This exhibition is a collaboration with my shadow. Because if I am to be whole I must invite all the parts of me to the table.
April Lavely-Robinson is a Colorado Springs native and lifelong artist, she creates surreal works from visions and life experiences. She and her husband of 20 years have two beautiful children, a lazy dog and a noisy cat. They enjoy rummaging through thrift stores and antique shops for books, treasures and odd items to display in their colorful, eclectic home.
